Journal

Jun 15, 2026
Transitions Are Hard.

After a long, snowy winter and a chilly spring, this past weekend finally felt like summer. We headed up to my in-laws' lake house in southern Michigan — a place that's been in the family for decades. The boat went in the water. The sun was actually warm and the water… well, it wasn’t freezing. And on Sunday morning, my wife did what she does every year at this time: she got up on one ski and made it look effortless. I should mention — she's a serious water skier. She's been doing it since she was a kid and is still genuinely impressive to watch. I, on the other hand, learned to ski on two skis at what I would generously call a junior varsity level. But, mercifully, my first ski of the season went well. No injuries. I'll take it. Hers did not go quite the same way. She popped up clean, had a great run — and somewhere in there, strained a piriformis injury she's dealt with before. During the nearly three-hour drive home, she was sore, stiff, and moving like the car ride had sealed her into a pretzel.

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Jun 5, 2026
What A Water Balloon Fight Taught Me About My Clients.

It happens every year. Near the end of May, I get a nostalgic rush about the end of the school year. The temperature approaches 70 degrees, sunlight washes through windows filtered through leaves that had been absent for months, and the scent of fresh-cut grass sets the soundtrack of a suburban summer. Joni Mitchell called it “the hissing of summer lawns” — sprinklers stuttering and starting. These memories are from the late 1970’s in Bellevue, Nebraska. If you grew up in the midwest, you might have similar ones that bubble up this time of year. A specific memory came rushing back when I found a photo album at my parents’ house earlier this year: the water balloon war in my front yard to mark the end of 6th grade.

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May 20, 2026
The Light Bulb

No two weeks look the same in a therapy practice. That was one of the things I used to love about working in newsrooms, and that unpredictability continues to energize me sitting knee-to-knee with couples. One week you're sitting with newlyweds who can't figure out why they keep having the same argument about dishes. The next, you're with a couple in their sixties who've spent decades building a life together and are finally ready to talk about what it actually felt like.

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Apr 29, 2026
Your Attention, Please.

I was in group supervision on Saturday when the topic turned to assessments, and it sent me down a familiar rabbit hole. We were talking about the tools we reach for early in couples work — the ones that help us understand not just what a couple is fighting about, but what they're really longing for underneath all that noise.

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May 11, 2026
Something Older Is Running The Show.

There's a phrase that gets passed around in therapy supervision rooms. You probably won't find it in a textbook, and nobody seems to know exactly who said it first. But if you've been in enough supervision, someone has probably dropped this bit of clinical folk wisdom on you at some point: "If it's hysterical, it's historical." The idea is simple: when a reaction feels wildly out of proportion to what just happened, something older is running the show. I've been sitting with that phrase lately.

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May 11, 2026
Beware The Ides Of March

Here’s the thing about Julius Caesar that most of us glossed over in high school: it wasn’t the knife that made it a God-tier, Shakespearean-level tragedy. It was Brutus holding it. A man Caesar trusted. A man Caesar needed. That’s what Betrayal Trauma Theory — developed by psychologist Jennifer Freyd — gets exactly right. Your nervous system registered something was wrong — the shift in energy, the locked phone, the explanation that was just slightly too smooth. But acknowledging that danger meant potentially losing the person you needed most. So the mind did what it had to do: it looked away. Not out of weakness. Out of attachment. You knew. And you couldn’t afford to know. Both things were true.

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May 11, 2026
When The House Doesn’t Win.

I have played exactly one office pool in my life. It was Super Bowl squares. Early 2000s. When I worked at WSB-TV in Atlanta. I don't follow football. I never have. I'm not even sure I knew who was playing. But someone passed around a grid, everyone was doing it, and I threw in my twenty bucks. I won. I don't remember the dollar amount. I do remember the feeling. For about thirty seconds I felt like the smartest person in the building. Like I had cracked some kind of code. I never played again. But in that moment, I understood — on a small, consequence-free scale — exactly why people do.

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May 11, 2026
What Can You Do When An Hour A Week Isn’t Sufficient?

This month our newsletter essays will be focusing on Intensive Couples Therapy. We are taking the opportunity to present something from a different take than our typical newsletter. We hope that you find this second entry from Dr. Colby Srsic informative about intensives and consider if they could be a fit for some of your couples.

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Feb 6, 2026
What Is A Couples Intensive?

Do you work with individual clients who spend most of their sessions talking about their relationship? Do you have a client who has been ambivalent for months—or even years—about whether to stay in their marriage? Have you recommended couples counseling only to hear that they tried it before, and “it didn’t really help”? A couples intensive can be a powerful way to shift stuckness, restore momentum, and help couples move toward greater clarity and healing.

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Feb 1, 2026
Performative Vulnerability

Last week a couple sat on my couch doing the emotional equivalent of defusing a bomb by guessing which wire to cut. I'd been working with them for about a month, and we were at that Stage 1 moment where I was asking the husband to share what he was feeling underneath his frustration.

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Feb 1, 2026
Did You Notice That?

She was about thirty minutes into our session when she stopped mid-sentence, looked at me, and said, "I want to bolt out of this room right now." I nodded. "Tell me about that." She continued, "I can feel it. My whole body is telling me to just... run. To race out that door and put as much distance as possible between me and my whole life right now."

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Dec 30, 2025
All I Want For Christmas Is Secure Attachment.

I remember it like it was yesterday: I was at the Oxmoor Center mall in Louisville, KY with my family waiting in line to meet Santa Claus. I was clutching my wish list nervously, hoping I could read my own poor seven-year old handwriting. After what felt like years of waiting, I finally got to see the jolly man in red. He called me up to sit on his lap, and in a husky voice asked me “what do you want for Christmas this year?” I was so anxious I had to pull up my wish-list. “I want…to feel securely attached to my future romantic partner and an autographed-copy of The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy by Dr. Sue Johnson!”

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Dec 30, 2025
🔑 The Keys To Attachment

It takes 20 minutes for someone to self-regulate. But when you're co-regulating with a trusted partner? Milliseconds. That striking contrast came up during our recent Ohio EFT community call, and it set the stage for one of the most organic and illuminating discussions we've had in months. We'd planned to dig into attachment theory—the foundations, the misconceptions, maybe even Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation. Instead, the conversation took on a life of its own.

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Oct 14, 2025
World Mental Health Day Taught Me Something New

This past Friday marked World Mental Health Day, and a friend posted something on Facebook that stopped me mid-scroll. He shared an AI-generated image of himself with his younger self, explaining that he'd heard a therapist suggest this exercise for anyone struggling with childhood trauma. The idea was simple but profound: use AI to create a picture of your present self doing something fun with your younger self. Even without childhood trauma, he noted, it's still pretty powerful. I could see how this could be helpful with several of my clients and was intrigued enough to give it a try.

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Oct 6, 2025
The Tornado & The Jungle: Understanding the Negative Cycle

I've been listening to a lot of David Bowie this month. Part of his 1982 song "Cat People (Putting Out Fire)" keeps running through my head in particular. “It’s just the fear of losing you”, Bowie croons, in a baritone rumble. “And I’ve been putting out fire…” Dramatic pause…. Then that visceral moment where his voice leaps an entire octave on the words "with gasoline." It's brilliant and unsettling—you feel something shift when he punches those words. It leaves you feeling what someone in that position would feel: This will never work. It's dangerous. I’m going to spark an inferno.

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Sep 16, 2025
Rewriting Family Scripts with EFFT

When families come in, we often hear about how one identified patient is the “problem;” the wild child won’t get out of bed in the morning, the deadbeat dad won’t take our children to soccer practice, and the helicopter mom won’t let our son start playing football. In systemic therapies like EFT, we argue there is no single problem person: issues exist within the family’s interactional patterns. These patterns are useful to the family, as they allow the family to go into autopilot and to not have to think (and more importantly, feel) all the time. If we go onto autopilot, what’s the route we take?

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Oct 6, 2025
Finding Your Pace In Someone Else's Space.

Sometimes the universe conspires to teach us exactly what we need to learn, even when we're not looking for a lesson. I read a Wall Street Journal article recently about a stressed-out business traveler who faced every professional's nightmare: arriving at a resort to deliver a keynote speech only to discover her luggage had gone rogue somewhere between departure and destination.

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Oct 6, 2025
Kryptonite In Your Relationship.

Over the weekend I was reading an article about Cleveland being a stand-in for Metropolis in the new Superman movie re-boot when it hit me—we've all got our own version of kryptonite. For the Man of Steel, it's that glowing green rock that drains his powers and leaves him helpless. For couples? It's often something much more subtle but equally devastating: avoidance. Just like Superman doesn't see the kryptonite coming until it's too late, many couples don't realize how their pattern of dodging difficult conversations is slowly sapping the strength from their relationship.

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Jul 31, 2025
When Private Lives Go Public: Compassion in the Age of Viral Moments.

Last week, a Coldplay concert became an unexpected stage for one of the most cringe-worthy moments in recent memory. When the band's kiss cam landed on tech CEO Andy Byron and his HR chief Kristin Cabot, their panicked reaction to being broadcast live sparked a viral firestorm that has captivated millions. While the internet has been quick to judge and meme-ify their apparent affair, watching two people's most vulnerable moment play out in front of thousands of strangers—and then millions online—evokes something deeper than just schadenfreude.

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Jul 31, 2025
Why Your Brain Goes Full Fourth of July When You Kiss.

While watching another epic fireworks display in Michigan this past weekend, I was reminded of how often couples tell me there’s no spark between them. “No fireworks when we kiss,” one of them recently admitted. The idea reignited the investigative journalist in me, and I decided this week to do a deep dive into exactly what happens in the brain when smooching your sweetie sets off literal explosions in your brain.

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Jul 31, 2025
Anniversary Lessons from the Therapy Room.

June remains one of the most popular months for weddings in America, accounting for roughly 12% of the more than two million ceremonies held annually. That translates to about 200,000 couples saying "I do" this month alone. But what happens after the honeymoon phase ends and real life begins?

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Jul 31, 2025
The Bedtime Rebellion

It's 11:47 PM and you know you should be asleep. You've got an early meeting tomorrow, your partner is already snoring softly beside you, and yet here you are—scrolling through instagram, binge-watching Netflix, or falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about obscure 1980s sitcoms like “It’s A Living”. Welcome to the phenomenon psychologists call "revenge bedtime procrastination," and if you think it's just about being tired the next day, think again.

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Jun 3, 2025
Turning Up The REV: A Simple Formula For Connection.

In the world of therapy, there's something everyone’s missing that’s right under their noses. It's like that perfect tool in your grandpa's shed - seemingly basic but oh-so-useful. So, what's this magic formula? It's called REV: Reflect, Empathically Attune, Validate.

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May 15, 2025
The First Round’s On Mom.

Have you ever watched a new mother gazing at her infant? There's a particular look in her eyes - a cocktail of wonder, devotion, and fierce protectiveness that seems almost supernatural in its intensity. That's because it is. What we're witnessing is nature's most powerful neurochemical brew - commonly called "The Love Cocktail." As Dr. Gabor Maté recently shared with Mel Robbins in a recent podcast on trauma, this potent mixture of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline, and endorphins doesn't just feel good; it literally creates the foundation for how we'll experience relationships for the rest of our lives. This isn't just a metaphorical recipe - it's biological attachment in action, the very cornerstone of what we explore in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

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May 2, 2025
Beyond "How Does That Make You Feel?": Three Questions To Access Deeper Emotion.

When working with couples in EFT, therapists strive to move past surface-level interactions to uncover the primary emotions driving relationship patterns. Simply asking "How does that make you feel?" rarely takes us deep enough. Instead, masterful EFT therapists employ questions that help clients explore their emotional landscape with greater precision and vulnerability.

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Apr 16, 2025
Exploring The Full Emotional Iceberg.

In the therapy room, emotions rarely arrive solo—they move together, intertwine, and transform before our eyes. This dynamic perfectly illustrates the "anger iceberg" concept: what we observe on the surface (anger) is merely the visible tip, while the vast majority of emotional experience (hurt, fear, shame, disappointment) remains submerged.

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Apr 12, 2025
TL/DE: Too Long; Didn’t Empathize.

In the ever-evolving language of digital shorthand, "TL;DR" (too long; didn't read) has become our cultural shortcut for skipping content that demands too much of our attention. But I've noticed a concerning parallel in couple dynamics—what I call "TL;DE" or "Too Long; Didn't Empathize."

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Mar 18, 2025
Another Side To The Other Side Of The Fence.

St. Patrick's Day always gets me thinking about the color green – and that age-old saying about greener grass on the other side of the fence.

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Mar 7, 2025
The Emotional Toll Of Holding Space.

Therapists who practice Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with couples know that healing is rarely linear. We bear witness to raw pain, cyclical conflict, and deep-seated wounds, holding space for partners to rediscover each other through vulnerability.

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Feb 18, 2025
Growing Skill, Capacity & Attunement in EFT.

Big announcement this week: Ohio EFT’s first event will be an in-person two-day workshop in Powell, OH on May 18th and 19th! This training is for those who have at minimum completed Externship and are looking to go deeper into understanding their own cycle as a therapist. No matter what state you live or work in, you are welcome here!

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Jan 20, 2025
AI Chatbot vs. Human Therapist

“A 28-year-old woman with a busy social life spends hours on end talking to her A.I. boyfriend for advice and consolation,” read the subheading. “And yes, they do have sex.”

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Jan 7, 2025
Rhymes With Grudge.

Two words that don’t usually spring to mind when thinking about couples therapy, right? While looking for articles this week I came across this annual word-of-the-year exercise in the Washington Post. They made a good case for why you might want to pick a new year’s “nudge” word instead of a resolution.

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Dec 23, 2024
Don’t Think About The Past. Just Be Here Now.

The holiday season often brings a mix of joy and stress for couples. The pressure to find the perfect gifts, navigate complex family dynamics, and manage packed schedules can easily overshadow the deeper meaning of connection.

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Dec 17, 2024
“I’m so obsessed with your ex.”

As far as I’m concerned, Olivio Rodrigo’s top 10 banger Obsessed is the best song of 2024. The song is centered on someone who can’t stop thinking about her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. “I’m so obsessed with your ex,” she sings.

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Nov 6, 2024
"Something Rotten" In The State Of Attachment.

In emotionally focused therapy (EFT), the term “attachment injuries” describes moments of betrayal or abandonment that carve deep wounds in relationships.

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Nov 2, 2024
Body of Evidence: How Yoga and EFT Unlock Grief.

Earlier this year, I lost a dear friend to cancer—a loss that has settled in like a knot in the chest. This past weekend, I decided to attend a yoga for grief workshop. It felt like the kind of thing that straddles the boundary between solace and therapy, an invitation to move through the somatic echoes of grief.

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Oct 10, 2024
Part Of Me Still Hurts. Apologizing When Emotions Run Deep.

Cloud 9: The Ohio EFT Community Newsletter

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Nov 6, 2024
Embracing The Ghost In The Machine.

I find myself, once again, unexpectedly grounded in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a place where the sky seems to stretch endlessly, yet time feels oddly suspended.

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Aug 22, 2024
The Monkey Trap: Letting Go For True Connection

In the wild, there’s a story often told about how monkeys are trapped by their own desire. A simple device—a jar with a banana inside—is all that’s needed.

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Aug 6, 2024
The Buffalo Is The Only Animal That Goes Into The Storm

“Don’t be a panda,” I told my wife back in July. “Be a buffalo.” This wasn’t a cosplay discussion. We were talking about survival strategies.

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