Therapists who practice Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with couples know that healing is rarely linear. We bear witness to raw pain, cyclical conflict, and deep-seated wounds, holding space for partners to rediscover each other through vulnerability. But what happens when the weight of that responsibility becomes too much for the therapist? What we often call burnout isn’t simply exhaustion from a demanding job—it’s something deeper, something more existential. It’s something I experienced during my time as a journalist, and something I constantly keep an eye on now that I’ve made my career pivot into the world of therapy.
Pulitzer Prize-winning pandemic journalist Ed Yong has been interviewing first responders who hit the wall during the COVID-19 crisis. In this excellent recent podcast interview Yong challenges the common understanding of burnout, stating, “It wasn’t that they couldn’t handle doing their job. It was that they couldn’t handle not being able to do their job... It was more about this idea of moral injury, this massive gulf between what you want the world to be and what you see happening around you. At some point that becomes intolerable.”
This sentiment resonates profoundly in the therapy room, where the frustration isn’t just the emotional toll, but the moments where external forces—insurance constraints, systemic barriers, or a couple’s own resistance—hinder the depth of care we wish to provide.
This moral injury can creep in slowly, manifesting as cynicism, emotional numbness, or an increasing sense of futility. We enter this field driven by a belief in the power of secure attachment and the resilience of love, yet we are also confronted with relationships that remain gridlocked in pain. There are days when progress feels elusive, when a session ends and we are left with a nagging sense of unfinished work. The risk is that we, too, become emotionally disengaged, mirroring the very patterns we help couples escape. And in doing so, we lose something essential—not just the ability to be effective therapists, but the ability to stay present with our own emotional experience. If left unaddressed, this disconnection can quietly erode the foundation of our work, leaving us drained and disillusioned.
But as EFT pioneer Dr. Sue Johnson reminds us, “Every breath, every moment of connection, offers us a chance to rewrite the script of love.” The same is true for us as therapists. If we fail to nurture our own emotional well-being, we risk losing sight of the very attachment principles we champion. This means cultivating a space for ourselves—something I’ve been able to do through yoga teacher training. For you, it might mean seeking peer support, engaging in reflective practice, or simply allowing moments of genuine rest. It means recognizing when we are holding too much and remembering that our presence is not an infinite resource, but a gift that must be replenished. To stay in this work, to continue guiding couples toward connection, we must also remain connected—to ourselves, to our own sources of meaning, and to the belief that healing is possible, even when it feels just out of reach.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
5 Ways To Manage Moral Injury, When Our Values Clash With Our Actions.
by Robin Stern & Marc Brackett on March 3rd, 2025
We feel psychological distress when we are compelled to act against, witness, or fail to prevent actions that conflict with our moral beliefs. This “Ask A Therapist” column from the Washington Post dovetails perfectly with Ed Yong’s quote from this week’s essay above.
When Love Isn’t In The Air: How To Move Past A Broken Heart.
by Susan Shapiro on March 3rd, 2025
Letting go can be good for your physical and mental health.
Two Training Opportunities This Spring.
by OhioEFT on March 3rd, 2025
We told you in our last newsletter about the Finding Our Depth workshop coming to the Columbus, OH area in May. Early Bird registration prices end March 15th.
Read more about it by clicking on the flyer below.
Plus - our friends at the Pittsburgh Community for EFT just let us know they have a 4 day Externship in Emotionally Focused Therapy coming up next month with Hawaii's Dr. Cindy Goodness Zane! Click the flyer below for more details.
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is Friday, March 28th.
by Ohio EFT on March 3rd, 2025
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of March for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll continue our discussion of the three different cycles couples may be navigating: the emotional cycle, the sexual cycle and the caregiving cycle. Here’s the link.
Therapy Is Good. These Therapists Are Bad.
by Christina Caron on March 3rd, 2025
Declarations of love, snoring, exercising and other boundary violations can really derail a therapeutic relationship. Last year, The New York Times asked readers whether they had ever had a bad experience with a therapist, and they received more than 2,700 responses. Here’s the best of the worst.
You Don’t Always Have to Process Your Emotions.
by Jancee Dunn on March 3rd, 2025
Sometimes you can just change them, the psychologist Ethan Kross argues in his new book, “Shift.”
What Is Your Outfit Telling Your Therapist?
by Misty White Sidell on March 3rd, 2025
Whether they want them to or not, client’s clothes may be giving therapists more psychoanalytic material.
My Client Was Using A Therapy Chat Bot. Was That Okay?
by Sarah Gundle on March 3rd, 2025
I learned that artificial intelligence can be useful as a supplement to treatment. But there are risks, too.
A Runner Was Hit By A Car. His Ambulance Bill Was $13,000.
by Sandy West on March 3rd, 2025
For patients who need an ambulance in an emergency, there are few protections — and usually few options: Sometimes you don’t have a better choice than to get in.
