I find myself, once again, unexpectedly grounded in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a place where the sky seems to stretch endlessly, yet time feels oddly suspended. After a truly wonderful weekend visit with family in New Mexico, my Sunday evening flight home was rendered impossible due to circumstances beyond my control. Instead of freaking out at the airport last night when I got the news of the 13 hour delay, I managed to be pretty zen about the whole thing by baking a mindful question in my noodle. A phrase I ran across earlier in the week hit me, while staring dumbfounded at the Southwest ticket agent.
“Don’t ask why this is happening to me, ask why it’s happening for me."
This perspective shift, much like the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), is less about avoiding discomfort and more about leaning into it, searching for meaning in the moments that challenge our patience. Yet, sitting here at the airport in the dawn’s early light, I can’t help but feel the quiet wisdom of that often-repeated philosophical reframe.
The shift in perspective is subtle but potent. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which thrives on these kinds of reframes, teaches us that our emotions—whether joy, despair, frustration, or relief—are the keys to deeper connection. In this case, the connection is with my past, my parents and my aunt, who are all in their 80s and living in Albuquerque. How often do I get an unexpected gift of time like this? Sure, the mechanical failure is annoying, but instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?"—cue the inevitable travel rage—I realize that it’s actually happening for me. An extra night means another chance to share a meal with my parents and my aunt, whose company I cherish more as I get older, like a vintage bottle of wine you save for just the right moment, which, oddly, is always right now.
In that light, the "why is this happening for me?" mindset isn’t about my usual reckless optimism but about clarity—about seeing the opportunities that discomfort brings to the surface.
I lived in New Mexico for seven years, from 1991 to 1998, when I was a younger, scrappier version of myself, roaming these open skies and dusty landscapes. There's something about Albuquerque that resets your internal clock, forces you to slow down and take stock of everything. That same energy is what’s woven into the fabric of EFT: an invitation to pause, to explore your emotional landscape, and to allow yourself to feel fully. Being here—sitting in this half-empty airport, waiting to board—there’s a nostalgic melancholy that feels like an old friend. It’s not a bad feeling. It’s a reminder of where I come from and, in some way, where I’m still rooted.
So yeah, stuck in Albuquerque. A ghost in the machine saved me from a rote trip back home and delivered something far more meaningful. It’s a perfectly imperfect metaphor for the emotional struggles we all encounter. The "why is this happening for me?" question, rooted in reframing and championed by therapists across all models, including EFT, is less about rationalizing life’s problems and more about discovering the unexpected opportunities hidden inside them. In my case, it’s an extra meal with my mom, my dad and my aunt, who I won’t have forever.
The flight home can wait.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
The Midlife Marriage Tuneup.
by Catherine Pearson on September 30th, 2024
Therapists and relationship researchers share 6 questions that can bring couples closer during this stage.
Heads Up: That Patient Portal May Contain Your Therapy Notes.
by Christina Caron on September 30th, 2024
Health care systems have been putting therapists’ progress reports online, much to the surprise (and anger) of some patients. Here’s the scoop.
Our Next Ohio EFT Zoom Call Is Friday, October 25th.
by Ohio EFT on September 30th, 2024
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of October for our continuing discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be discussing the second move of the EFT Tango: Exploring more primary, deeper or new emotions. I’ll have the link for the call in the next edition of the newsletter.
Drug Overdose Deaths Are Dropping. The Reasons Are Not Perfectly Clear.
by Noah Weilan on September 30th, 2024
The decrease across the country is a major breakthrough in efforts to reverse the effects of fentanyl. Researchers and health officials say there is no easy explanation for the trend.
EFT Tango Move 1 (Video).
by The EFT Lab on September 30th, 2024
Last week we discussed EFT Tango move 1 in our monthly call, and highlighted this video. We thought the short clip with EFT Trainer Lorrie Brubacher demonstrates this clearly. Check out how she shows that move 1 of the EFT Tango means:
- Noticing the process that’s happening in the session;
- Not being distracted by content or story and blocking exits when the couple offers those distractions;
- Choosing which partner to focus on;
- Asking that partner to tune into his/her emotions in the moment in an effective way.
America’s Young Men Are Falling Even Further Behind.
by Rachel Wolfe on September 30th, 2024
Men in their 20s and early 30s are much more likely than female peers to live with their parents, and many say they feel aimless and isolated. The Wall Street Journal has more.
Older Men’s Connections Often Wither When They’re On Their Own.
by Judith Graham on September 30th, 2024
Men should invest in their “social fitness” in addition to their physical fitness to broaden their connections, an expert says.
Memory Loss Isn’t the Only Sign of Dementia.
by Dana G. Smith on September 30th, 2024
Here are five other common red flags to look out for.
Free COVID Tests Are Available Again.
by April Ruben on September 30th, 2024
U.S. households can order four free COVID tests from the federal government with last week's relaunch of the at-home test distribution program.
How it works: Tests can be ordered on COVIDTests.gov. Read more here.
