“Don’t be a panda,” I told my wife back in July. “Be a buffalo.”
This wasn’t a cosplay discussion.
We were talking about survival strategies.
My wife has been preparing all summer for two excruciating days of testing during the Uniform Bar Exam. If you want to be a lawyer in Ohio, you’ve got to assemble for two days with more than a thousand other test takers from across the state. You all hunker down in a small town conference center and endure a specific and cruel form hazing in the hopes of passing the test.
By the end of July she had been studying intensely for more than two months and was getting a little crispy around the edges.
The bar exam is a contact sport and you have to hit back. In an effort to brace her for such a grueling endurance contest, I was pitching mantras at her. We liked the mantra adopted by American soldiers during the 2003 War in Iraq: “Embrace the suck.” The colloquialism is meant to convey that while a situation may be less than ideal, it's important to accept it and press forward. It can also mean to confront uncomfortable things so that they can be overcome.
It felt fitting.
Last month I also heard a great podcast interview with singer-songwriter and mental health advocate, Jewel. She relayed the story about how bison are unique in the animal kingdom because of their response to bad weather. Rather than run from a storm, they instinctively head into the storm knowing it will help them get through the bad weather faster.
Jewel said that for some people, facing their pain head-on can help them work through it and break through to the other side.
For my wife, a storm was coming.
Now, one thing I know about my wife: her favorite animal is the panda bear. Videos of pandas doing adorable things have been in her heavy social media rotation as long as I’ve known her. I also knew that for her, the storm represented the anxiety and fear surrounding the bar exam. I noticed that emotionally focused individual therapy (EFIT) might be helpful. By confronting these feelings through EFIT, she could gain a deeper understanding of her emotional responses and develop healthier coping mechanisms. It dawned on me that this therapeutic approach helps individuals to not only recognize their fears but also to embrace and work through them, fostering emotional resilience and personal growth.
By understanding the roots of her anxiety and addressing it directly, like a buffalo, she navigated the stressful period of bar exam preparation and the test itself with greater clarity and confidence.
Embracing the storm, rather than running from it, brought her to a quicker resolution and a more empowered, resilient self.
As it turned out, my wife was actually turning to face two storms.
The night before Day 1 of the exam in Wilmington, OH, I tucked my wife into her bed in our Airbnb. That night we had separate bedrooms so she could sleep (or attempt to sleep) undisturbed. We had just finished a walk around the neighborhood on the outskirts of town and saw some dark clouds approaching.
”You know,” I said to her. “This is the kind of town that could get wiped out by a tornado.”
During our earlier TV news careers we had both covered the twister aftermath countless times.
“Yep,” she agreed.
About an hour later I drifted off to sleep, hoping my wife was also in peaceful slumberland.
“Eeeeee-aaaaaaa-ooooo”
At 2:00am I was awakened by the unmistakeable sound of tornado sirens.
In disbelief I shook the cobwebs out of my head and listened again.
“Eeeeee-aaaaaaa-ooooo”
Yes. That is a tornado siren.
I grabbed my phone.
A giant badge displayed the words, “TORNADO WARNING IN YOUR AREA. TAKE SHELTER IMMEDIATELY.”
As if that wasn’t confirmation enough, I checked the radar on the weather app.
Gulp.
The little blue dot showing our location was millimeters away from an enormous blob of angry red.
A storm wall. Imminent.
For the first time in my life, I realized if we didn’t act fast we could be in mortal danger.
Then I realized an even more frightening thought…
I had to wake my wife up.
Like, seriously.
I had to disturb one of the most important nights of sleep in her life… or… die?
So I went in, gently woke her up, told her why we had to head into an unfamiliar basement and batten down the proverbial hatches.
She groggily agreed.
Wrapped in a comforter, we parked ourselves on the concrete floor and watched the explosions of lightning thru the basement windows.
Amazingly, when the tornado touched down, someone caught it on camera, just a few miles away from where we hunkered down. No one was injured.
By 3:00am the tornado warning was over, and we were back under the covers, thankful to be unscathed as the continuing thunderstorm rolled overhead.
Sunrise, shower, breakfast.
I drove her to the testing center.
She was summoning up courage and confidence with each inhalation and exhalation.
Just before she stepped in line with 1100 other stressed-out test takers I gave her a big bear hug and whispered in her ear:
“Don’t be a panda. Be a buffalo.”
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
A Blood Test Accurately Diagnosed Alzheimer’s 90% Of The Time, Study Finds.
by Pam Belluck on August 5th, 2024
Scientists have made another major stride toward the long-sought goal of diagnosing Alzheimer’s disease with a simple blood test. On Sunday, a team of researchers reported that a blood test was significantly more accurate than doctors’ interpretation of cognitive tests and CT scans in signaling the condition. The New York Times has the full story here.
Social Anxiety Can Be Limiting. There Are Ways To Get Relief.
by Jelena Kecmanovic on August 5th, 2024
Some discomfort in social situations is normal, but when anxiety significantly interferes with work and relationships, it can become a disorder. Read about it here.
Are You A Workaholic — Or A Hard Worker? Why It Matters For Your Health.
by Christina Caron on August 5th, 2024
Work ‘addicts’ in a study reported more health complaints than their peers. Work ‘enthusiasts’ reported almost no health complaints, according to this Washington Post article.
Our Next OhioEFT Zoom Call Is Friday, August 30th.
by OhioEFT on August 5th, 2024
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of August for our continuing discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be discussing couples sexual issues from an attachment perspective and much more. I’ll send out a the link in the next edition of the newsletter.
Lead With Empathy: Become An Ohio EFT Committee Volunteer Today!
by Ohio EFT on August 5th, 2024
As Ohio EFT enters our third year, we have plans to do more workshops, trainings and group supervision calls. Interested in helping shape the future of our community? Please reach out to Chris@ohioeft.com and let’s start a conversation.
Virtual Hold Me Tight Weekend Workshops Based In Columbus, OH This Fall.
by Infinite Transformations Counseling on August 5th, 2024
Wendolyn Ross, IMFT & Kris Snyder, MFT from Infinite Transformations Counseling in Columbus, OH are conducting Hold Me Tight workshops September 14-15 and October 5-6. Space is limited to 6 couples per workshop, Here’s a link to learn more.
8 Times It Might Be Healthier Not To Forgive.
by Susan Shapiro on August 5th, 2024
“Sometimes it’s more authentic and empowering to move on without forgiving,” says one psychologist and author. Read more about this controversial position here.
The AI Boyfriend Business Is Booming.
by Megan Morrone on August 5th, 2024
A growing number of women are seeking connection and comfort in relationships with chatbots — and finding their approximation of empathy more dependable than many human partners' support. Axios has the story.
Is Everyone Having More Sex Than You This Summer?
by Elizabeth Bernstein on August 5th, 2024
Why it seems like sex is everywhere this time of year - except in your bedroom.
