In the ever-evolving language of digital shorthand, "TL;DR" (too long; didn't read) has become our cultural shortcut for skipping content that demands too much of our attention. But I've noticed a concerning parallel in couple dynamics—what I call "TL;DE" or "Too Long; Didn't Empathize." This happens when one partner essentially puts up a mental "skip button" when their loved one expresses complex emotions, treating their partner's feelings as content that's simply too cumbersome to process.
When couples come to therapy, this emotional shortcutting often appears in statements like "Can you just get to the point?" or "I don't need all the details." These dismissive responses might seem efficient in the moment, but they create deep attachment wounds. In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we recognize this as a critical breakdown in the attachment bond—one partner reaches out emotionally, and rather than receiving connection, they experience disconnection. It's not just hurtful; it fundamentally destabilizes the relationship's foundation of emotional safety.
The irony is that this emotional skimming actually costs couples more time in the long run. When feelings go unacknowledged, they don't simply disappear—they compound and resurface with greater intensity in future conflicts. I've worked with couples who spent years in painful cycles because one partner consistently took emotional shortcuts, only to eventually face a relationship crisis that demanded hundreds of hours to repair. The five minutes it might have taken to truly listen and empathize could have prevented months or years of disconnection.
As EFT therapists, we help couples slow down these interactions—to resist the urge to scroll past their partner's emotions and instead develop the capacity to sit with discomfort. When partners learn to respond to emotional bids with curiosity rather than impatience, something remarkable happens: the seemingly "too long" emotional stories actually become more concise over time. There's profound wisdom in the paradox that taking the time to fully understand your partner's emotions today creates more emotional efficiency tomorrow. In our rushed world of digital shortcuts, perhaps the most revolutionary act is simply telling your partner, "I have time for how you feel."
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
4 Silly Ways To Keep Marriage Fun.
by Jancee Dunn on March 31st, 2025
Your relationship may be solid, but is it playful?
Digital Therapists Get Stressed Too, Study Finds.
by Alexander Nazaryan on March 31st, 2025
Chatbots should be built with enough resilience to deal with difficult emotional situations, researchers said.
Leading A Movement Away From Psychiatric Medication.
by Ellen Barry on March 31st, 2025
Laura Delano walked away from the treatments that defined her teens and 20s. Now, she’s hoping to create a road map for others to follow.
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is Friday, April 24th.
by Ohio EFT on March 31st, 2025
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of April for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be opening up our “bag of tricks” and sharing EFT ideas, concepts and methods gathered at conferences and workshops. Don’t miss it! You’ll find the link in the next edition of our newsletter.
American Women Are Giving Up on Marriage.
by Rachel Wolfe on March 31st, 2025
Major demographic shifts have put men and women on divergent paths. That’s left more women resigned to being single. ‘The numbers aren’t netting out.’
Columbus, OH 2-Day Training Opportunity For EFT Therapists This May.
by OhioEFT on March 31st, 2025
The Finding Our Depth workshop is coming to Columbus, OH in May! What’s it all about? Well…. EFT therapists are generally focused on their clients and the clients’ personal and relational development. This workshop is an opportunity to focus on the therapist’s own development as an EFT practitioner. Whether your goal is to become a certified EFT therapist or to deepen your clinical work, this workshop provides an opportunity to revisit the EFT process and attend to ourselves in service of the lifelong learning of EFT presence and skill.
You can read more about it by clicking on the flyer below.
Hold Me Tight Workshop: A Day-Long Workshop For Couples.
by Relationship Counseling of Ohio on March 31st, 2025
Dr. Allison Fagan is facilitating a Hold Me Tight workshop for couples on Sunday, May 18th in Westerville, OH. The focus of this workshop will be to help couples become more trusting, communicate more clearly and learn how to handle day-to-day stress and better manage conflict. Click here for details and pricing.
5 Books On Healing From Trauma.
by Hope Reese on March 31st, 2025
Neuroscientists, psychologists and other experts share the titles they recommend most.
What Jacques Pépin Taught Me About Omelets And Life.
by Tim Carman on March 31st, 2025
“There’s no failure,” says the French chef. You eat your mistakes and try again.
