St. Patrick's Day always gets me thinking about the color green – and that age-old saying about greener grass on the other side of the fence.
It shows up in therapy sessions where one partner has that faraway look, wondering if they'd find greater happiness with someone else. "Maybe we're just not right for each other." The unspoken belief that somewhere else, with someone else, things would be easier.
Sitting with clients, I've learned that fence, and the seemingly greener grass beyond it, is often an illusion created by our own attachment wounds.
"It shouldn't be this hard," a client told me recently after another fight with his partner. "My friend Mark and his wife never fight like this." What he couldn't see was how his idealization of Mark's marriage was less about their relationship and more about his own unmet needs for validation and safety.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we recognize this "greener grass syndrome" as less about the quality of the relationship and more about disconnection. When couples become stuck in negative cycles – the pursue-withdraw dance where one partner reaches while the other retreats – the relationship starts feeling like a barren landscape.
The irony? Those who jump the fence often discover they've brought their emotional patterns with them. The grass might look different, but the soil – their attachment needs and fears – remains the same.
Instead of fence-jumping, EFT offers couples a different approach: turning toward each other to create new patterns of connection. When partners can express their attachment needs vulnerably, they often discover untapped reservoirs of emotional intimacy right where they are.
I've watched couples who were one signature away from divorce transform their relationship not by finding greener grass, but by watering their own lawn. Together, they create a relationship that doesn't need comparison to others.
This St. Patrick's Day, while everyone searches for four-leaf clovers, perhaps the real luck lies in recognizing that the pot-of-gold is already within reach – if only we're brave enough to nurture it together.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
The Good News About Anxiety.
by Olga Khazan on March 17th, 2025
In the right amount, anxiety can heighten focus and detail orientation. It also spurs creativity and motivates us to problem-solve.
One Couple In Their 90s Confronts A Stark Reality: Aging At Different Speeds.
by Clare Ansberry on March 17th, 2025
Lifelong partners grapple with how and whether to stay together when one can’t care for the other.
How Small Talk Opens Up Deeper Connections.
by Emily Falk on March 17th, 2025
Idle chitchat may feel dreary, but it establishes the brain ‘synchrony’ that allows for more meaningful exchanges.
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is Friday, March 28th.
by Ohio EFT on March 17th, 2025
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of March for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll continue our discussion of the three different cycles couples may be navigating: the emotional cycle, the sexual cycle and the caregiving cycle. Here’s the link.
Navigating Conflict? This Texas Trial Lawyer Has the Right Words.
by Julie Bozzone on March 17th, 2025
Jefferson Fisher has built a reputation on social media for teaching people how to tackle tough conversations with confidence.
How To Manage Your Out-of-Pocket Mental Health Costs.
by Vera Gibbons on March 17th, 2025
For expenses that your health insurance doesn’t cover, these payment options can help.
A Parent’s Affair Can Be Hurtful. Here’s How To Move Past Disappointments.
by Joshua Coleman on March 17th, 2025
This kind of disillusionment can be painful, but there are ways to manage the feelings of betrayal and anguish.
A New Generation Is Here. Its Name Is Already An Insult.
by Ann-Marie Alćantara on March 17th, 2025
Parents of the newly minted Beta babies are navigating an awkward association; brushing off a ‘placeholder’ name.
They Went To Prom Together In 1988. She Just Donated A Kidney To Save His Life.
by Sidney Page on March 17th, 2025
The former prom dates hadn’t been in touch in decades, but Elena Hershey decided to donate her kidney when she heard about his situation.
