In the therapy room, emotions rarely arrive solo—they move together, intertwine, and transform before our eyes. This dynamic perfectly illustrates the "anger iceberg" concept: what we observe on the surface (anger) is merely the visible tip, while the vast majority of emotional experience (hurt, fear, shame, disappointment) remains submerged. I've noticed this frequently with couples in my practice; a husband might enter the session displaying unmistakable anger, yet beneath that fierce exterior lies a profound loneliness and fear of rejection that becomes accessible only when we create enough safety to dive beneath the surface.
The non-static nature of emotions becomes particularly evident during breakthrough moments in EFT sessions. I recall one couple who began therapy locked in a rigid pursue-withdraw dance, with the wife's criticism met by her husband's stonewalling. As we worked through their cycle, her anger softened into tears of vulnerability as she revealed her deep fear of being unimportant to him, while his defensive withdrawal melted into compassionate concern. These emotional shifts weren't linear or predictable; they cascaded like dominoes, each movement creating space for new emotional possibilities that had previously seemed inaccessible.
Perhaps the most transformative aspect of working with emotions in motion is witnessing how naming and understanding complexity creates newfound resilience. When a partner learns to say, "I'm frustrated about our plans changing, but underneath that, I'm scared about growing apart," they offer their significant other a map to their inner world rather than just planting a flag on the anger-tip of their emotional iceberg. This deeper awareness doesn't eliminate difficult emotions but allows them to flow more naturally, preventing the stagnation that leads to resentment. Our role isn't to help clients eliminate emotional complexity but to help them navigate it together—surfing the waves of their emotional currents instead of drowning in them or pretending the water is perfectly still.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
Is The Secret To Great Sex Sleeping In Separate Rooms?
by Catherine Pearson on April 14th, 2025
Therapists and couples say that sometimes a “sleep divorce” can revive a relationship.
How To Ease Your Money Anxiety When
The Economy Is Stressing You Out.
by Diane Harris on April 14th, 2025
Wild stock market swings and rising recession fears have put Americans on edge. Here are strategies to lower the angst.
The (Artificial Intelligence) Therapist Can See You Now.
by Katia Riddle on April 14th, 2025
The recent Dartmouth College study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, shows results from the first randomized clinical trial for AI therapy.
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is Friday, April 24th.
by Ohio EFT on April 14th, 2025
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of April for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be opening up our “bag of tricks” and sharing EFT ideas, concepts and methods gathered at conferences and workshops. Don’t miss it! Send me a direct message for the link.
This Habit Is Quietly Ruining Your Relationships.
by Jancee Dunn on April 14th, 2025
Many of us have done it, but that doesn’t make it right, experts say.
Columbus, OH 2-Day Training Opportunity For EFT Therapists This May.
by OhioEFT on April 14th, 2025
We have a new location for our Finding Our Depth workshop in May! We’re still in the Columbus area, but needed a bit more room and will now hold both days at Hamilton Hall on OSU’s campus. Wondering what all the fuss is about?
Well…. EFT therapists are generally focused on their clients and the clients’ personal and relational development. This workshop is an opportunity to focus on the therapist’s own development as an EFT practitioner. Whether your goal is to become a certified EFT therapist or to deepen your clinical work, this workshop provides an opportunity to revisit the EFT process and attend to ourselves in service of the lifelong learning of EFT presence and skill.
